wishing.on.a.star

You're born, you die and you make a lot of mistakes in between.

I'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you, big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small minded people who think they're better than you. People who think that material things, or being pretty or popular, automatically make you a worthwhile human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter. Unless you have a stregth of character, integrity, and if you're lucky enough to have any of these things, don't ever sell out. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, don't judge them by their station in life, 'cause who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend.

Don't let yourself get so angry that you stop loving, because one day you will wake up from that anger and the person you love won't be around anymore.

There are certain people who are not meant to fit in your life, no matter how much you want them to.

It's not that I want to be the one holding your hand, it's just that I don't want her to be the one holding it.

Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it

You know I used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and everytime you walked by I lost myself, do you know what that feels like? And you couldn't possibly know what it feels like to have that person not have the same feelings back. Look, I'm sorry if you miss the way I looked at you, but I don't miss the way you never looked at me.

When a girl hates you the way she hates you, that really means she likes you. That's basic kindergarten psychology.

You're probably right...I'm sure I don't have any idea what you're going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other, it doesn't mean you're right for each other right now. I wouldn't know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone...or cry.

I guess everyone has someone who challenges them, and makes them shoot for something just beyond their reach. You're that person for me.

If you and I aren't meant to be, then I don't know anything.

You wanna know what the truth is? I still love you and I probably will love you for a very long time. But I can't just be your buddy, because as much as i enjoy the concept of being "just friends" in reality it's a bizarre form of torture and i'm just not willing to participate in it. so right now what i wanna do is just move on and get over you and the only way for me to do that is to not be around you anymore.

I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume to try and make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again.

Listen to me: If we are truly meant to be, then we will find our way back to each other. It's as simple as that.

You know, it's weird how you still love the person, you just stop needing them the way you used to.

How did I go from turning the corner of possibility to nothing at all?

My life was a sea of conflicting emotions, but the one thing kept me going was our bond...our connection. It made me feel like I wasn't alone, like I was part of something special. I'm not whining about being friends or not, but I'm not feeling that connection and it scares me.

To love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving...that is romance.

Letting go isn't a one time thing, its something you do everyday, over and over again.

You wanted a kiss. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for everything that comes with that kiss? cause it doesnt just end with a fade out. There are repercussions. Hearts get broken. Friendships get ruined. Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss. That's what you have to look foward to. Do yourself a big favor...don't rush it.

Because you're beautiful, and you don't know it. Because you're smart, and you don't believe it. You're the kind of girl that guys never get over. Joey, you're the kind of girl that other girls get compared to.

She's great. I mean she's...she's smart. She's beautiful. She's funny. She's a big ol' scaredy cat. If you creep up behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. Um, she's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from Joey even if the truth hurts. She's stubborn. We fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really good friend. And loyal to a fault, she's...she believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so I mean, it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. God, if she goes away I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean she's...she's my best friend, you know? She's...she's more than that...she's everything.

You live in a world of black and white and I see pieces of gray...that's the difference between you and me. that's what made me fall in love with you, and that's what is tearing us apart.

There are not many people in this world with the ablility to give you butterflies, and if you dont tell those people how you feel, it'll be like spending the rest of your life in your own personal prison.

If by some slim chance you would have kissed me back, you would have been thinking of someone else right?

You exhaust way to much time and energy on a girl you call "just your friend".

Is it the possibility of losing him to somebody else that suddenly makes him so attractive?

I'm sitting here with my best friend in the world and my palms are sweating.

You've had a lifetime to process your feelings for me and I can't spend the rest of mine hoping that you might throw a general glance in my direction in between your tortured teen romances.

"Stalker" sounds so negative. I prefer to think of myself as doggedly persistent.

It’s not about the perfect setting and it’s not about the perfect timing--it’s about the perfect person.

But...how could it be over? We can't just say "I love You" for the first time and have it be over.

Falling in love. Sharing your life with someone. Giving your heart to another person to the extent that losing them could potentially destroy you. It's such a crazy thing to do.

So this is what I'm going to do: I'm going to hug you. And I'm not going to let go for a really long time. And I'm going to tell you that I love you. Which is actually a pretty good deal. Because it means I'll do anything on the off chance it'll make you a little less sad.

You cant explain why you love someone, you cant...you just do.

Anticipation is the purest form of pleasure. And the most reliable. And that while the things that actually happened to you would invariably disappoint you, the things that never happened to you would never dim, never fade. They'd always be engraved on your heart with sort of a sweet sadness to them.

You know you love someone when you sit up all night just to watch someone sleep.

You've taught me that love sucks, that feelings can change, passion will fade, partners will come and go, but through it all, one thing remains sacred: friendship.

I've known it since the moment you kissed me, and maybe even before that, and as scary as it is, I dont want to deny it anymore Pacey, I don't want to run from it, and I don't want to let it run from me.

I used to be able to look into your eyes and know everything you were thinking, these days, I havent a clue.

I can blow your mind in a million different ways that you've never even imagined, you knew that when you looked at me, and knew that it would be different with me, thats why your not turning around, because your nervous about what you might feel.

I looked at him, and he looked at me, and for that split second it was like we forgave each other for everything.

I know I've made a lot of stupid mistakes. But the worst one was thinking the person who hurt me the most, wouldn't hurt me again.

And the sad part is, that no matter what goes on this year, when you come running back to me again, you know I'll be here.

I'm scared that I'm going to end up alone. I'm scared that I'm always going to be somebody's friend, or sister, or confidant, never quite somebody's everything. Mostly I'm scared I'm never going to find a guy that I love as much as I love you.

Some of us are just trying to get through the day without breaking something.

You and I were meant to be. Period. The End. Cue happy ending music.

She's so beautiful that every time you look at her, your knees tremble, your heart melts and you know right then and there, without any reservation that there's order and meaning to the universe.

A lot of people walk in and out of my life, but you're one of the only people I ever really wanted to stick around.

Because life, much like a french movie, rarely makes any sense, but when it's right, it's right, and you don't question it, you don't think, you don't ponder, you just exist.

When I sleep with someone for the first time, I don't want it to be for just any reason. I want it to be for every reason.

It's like you get this picture in your head of the way things should be, and you end up closing yourself off to some of the wonder and serendipity of the actual experience.

That guy didn't know you, because if he did...he would have never walked away from you.

It's like your heart has been ripped out and stomped on. You...you can't breathe, you don't want to eat, you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you know its yours for life.

But that's just it, the butterflies never seem to accompany the right people. All the nice guys who are right for you, they never make your stomach go flip flop...

Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter.

I think sometimes you have to lose someone completely before you can figure out what they really mean to you.

The truth is in time thats all we'll be to each other anyway, a population of memories, some wonderful and endearing, some less so, but taken together, these memories help make us who we are and who we will be.

For the longest time I was just trying to find someone to love as much as I loved you, but now I realize thats never going to happen.

So yeah maybe we didnt talk this summer, and who knows maybe we'll find ourselves talking less and less as time goes on and life gets more and more in the way, but, I don't feel it, cause you're with me everywhere I go.

I used to be afraid of so many things, that I'd never grow up, that I'd be trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would forever be shy of my reach, it's true what they say, time plays tricks on you. one day youre dreaming the next your dream has become your reality and now that the scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. because there are things that I want to tell her, to relax, to lighten up, that it is all going to be okay. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually except you for who you are will become an increasingly rare occurrence Jen, Jack, Audrey, Andie, Pacey and Dawson, these people who contributed to who i am they are with me where ever I go. And as history gets rewritten in smalls way with each passing day my love for them only grows, because the truth is it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all that has receded into fond memory now. how does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticizes the good? Maybe it's because we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something. That we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all. That time our lives that we will never forget. I can't swear that's exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.

What's real --it terrifies all of us. If you think that anything of any value in this world comes at an easier price -- you're wrong.

I fill my days with memories of him. I remember how he used to look at me, as if I was his most valuable treasure. Has he found a new treasure? I can't help but wonder if we will be able to find our way back to each other. The road seems so very long, and my head is crowded with such a dark thought. I feel our bond grows weaker by the day and I'm powerless to stop it.

Dreams aren't perfect. They come true, not free.

I like that you ramble when you're nervous, I like that I know that you ramble when you're nervous, and I like that I still make you nervous.

And then theres love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers and when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase it either. You just be patient and it will come to you, I promise and when you least it expect it, like you, like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and smartest and the most beautiful baby in the world. You don't be afraid sweetheart and remeber to love is to live.

You're off the hook. I've never really put much faith in all that "if you love someone, set them free" crap, as evidenced by everything I've done in my life up to this very moment, but I am determined to be happy, Joey. Happy in this life. And I love you. I mean, I always-- I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right. And the way I figure it, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy, now. Because this is it. I mean, this is all that we get. If there's one thing I've learned from losing Jen, that's what I've learned. I also want for you to be happy. It's really important for me that you be happy. So I want you to be with someone, whether it be Dawson or New York guy or some man that you haven't even met yet. But I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life that you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So, I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last 10 years of our lives is just that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So you're off the hook.

What we have goes beyond friendship, beyond lovers -- its forever.

I mean, you -- me, we're exactly the way we've always been and I am so tired of it.

Maybe some friendships aren't meant to be saved. maybe we're meant to spend a certain part of our life with certain people...and then move on.

Have faith that things will work out for the best..that whatever sent us off in different directions is the very same thing that will bring us back together.

In the best, most desirable way -- you scare me. But I love the way you scare me but it makes me nervous and then I say or do something really stupid so I spend all this energy coming up with ideas to be smart so that you don't think I'm stupid and those ideas ihherently backfire therefore making me look more stupid. It's a vicious circle, and I'm at the end of my rope because all I really want to do is kiss you and feel if I don't kiss you soon I'm gonna explode.

So the only thing I could think of that unites us all, that we all have in common, is that we start out in kindergarten thinking we can be anything we want to be, and by the time we get here, we've all lost that feeling, we've all started to believe whatever our friends or our parents have told us about what we can achieve in life, and who we can be, and we've forgotten about the possibility we had when we were younger, thats the one thing we all have in common, so thats the symbol on this moral means, possibility, I painted it because I thought we could all use a little daily reminder of the fact that if you believe in yourself, even when the odds seem stacked against you, anything is possible.

Your whole life is about to change in a way that it will never be the same again, your opening a new chapter, and you have to give a proper goodbye to the old one, you dont want to miss these moments, even the sad ones, because you'll never get them back again, so enjoy this time, let it wash over you so that your memories of it are strong.

I'm not dismissing the beautiful ideal of soulmates, but the reality of eternal coupling, quite frankly, boils down to one thing, faith, ask yourself this question, is she the kind of person you are willing to take a very big leap of faith for?

If you felt even one shred of what I feel for you, we wouldn't be standing here having this conversation.

We talk like we know what's going on, but we don't. We don't know anything. We're really young and we're gonna screw-up a lot. We're gonna keep changing our minds and even sometimes our hearts. And through all that, the only real thing we can offer each other is forgiveness.

If you wanted to sleep with him -- even for a second -- maybe it wasn't wrong after all. Maybe it was your heart telling you that I'm not the one. Because that's what my heart's telling me now. That you're not the one.

For the first time, in a long time, my life is real, it doesn’t matter who ends up with who, because in some unearthly way, it's always gonna be you and me.

And you need to go this time. You need to see for yourself. I can sit here and tell you that it’s a colossal mistake, that all roads lead back to me, but it doesn’t matter. Words, speeches...they sound great, but they don’t add up to anything. All that matters right now is what you want.

Well guess what? It is, so sucks for you, huh? Or maybe it doesn't. Maybe you’re gonna get off easy after all, its only my heart that's gonna get even the slightest bit broken.

At a certain point, the whole thing just becomes too much to process, and your brain gets taken out of the loop, and all you have to rely on is your heart, your natural human instincts. It's liberating... not at first of course, at first it's terrifying, like falling... but that's the point, isn't it?

And it sucks because I know he's out there falling in and out of love with girls...that aren't me.

I called because I wanted you to know that despite everything that's happened and all the miles between us right now, I still think about the way it was in the beginning.

Maybe I was trying too hard, but I didn't want to miss my chance to dance with you, to hold you, to make you remember what it's like between us. I thought if only I could make tonight perfect…

This is about how you carried my bag off the bus yesterday. This is about how... When we go to the movies and you go and you buy a popcorn you always make sure you bring back a napkin so I don't wipe all the grease on my jeans. And this is about how just last week when we were at miniature golf you took all of the shots first so I would know the correct path. you taught me how to drive. And last year at prom... You knew that the bracelet I was wearing was my mom's. You kissed me first, sweetheart. The second time... [She removes his shirt] You counted to 10 before doing it again just in case I wanted to stop you. You bought me a wall. we were alone on a boat for 3 months and you understood without a word why I wasn't ready. Do you have to ask me now why I am? Pace. I'm gonna count to 10... And then I’m going to start kissing you. If you don't want me to... then you're just gonna have to stop me. ..10, my love.

Quick and easy answer would be that I was really, really busy and there just wasn't any time. Which is true, but... it's not really it, because I thought about you all the time, and about what you said about how everything would just kind of work itself out between us and it just... made me feel so good about us. I just...well, I guess I didn't want to ruin that feeling. Does that make any sense?

Well, he's playing a little hard to get, which is somewhat disconcerting, but no worries. He'll be mine.

Every time I'm supposed to come see him I trick myself into thinking that it's gonna be different this time. But it never is. It's always just different shades of the same.

This is one of those rare milestone events that separates the first half of your life from everything that follows.

I wasn't fighting with you, I was fighting with myself, because part of me wanted to send you running away and part of me just wanted to hold you tight.

All the really exciting things in life require more courage than we currently have. A deep breath and a leap. see joey, the kind of fear youre talking about, sometimes it's how you know whats worthwhile.

Understand that friends come and go, but a precious few you should hold on...the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

What you think you're leaving behind here, it's just going to be that much bigger when you return.

Well, it's just something that I've been thinking about, and I wanted you to know that I was thinking about it. You know, I was just gonna... keep my mouth shut and let you go... but...[Sighs]... It's not me. That's some merchant ivory movie, you know, where people suffer in silence, and you're supposed to be so impressed by their restraint. Well... you know... sorry, but screw that. My best friend in the whole world is leaving tomorrow, and a big part of me wants him to stay... so I hope you don't hate me.

See, the kiss is just the end result. It's not what's important. It's all about desire and -- and wanting.

And the reason I came here tonight is because we need to move on. Look, we're not kids anymore. And I'm not gonna do this anymore. And I just thought you should know.

Friends give you the worst of news with the best of intentions.

Maybe she fell in love with him or maybe she just wanted someone to pay attention to her.

But when I came home, I'd lost the guy. My soul-mate. It was like having an organ, my heart, literally ripped from my body. All I could feel was cold and empty... my future, slipping away... You see, I lost my love -- but I was determined not to lose my life.

The way I feel about him is totally separate from the way I feel about you and about our friendship.

You want him. You want him like I want you. You love him like I love you. Only the difference is he loves you back the same way.

As complicated as our friendship was, it doesn't even compare to how complicated whatever you and I have here is bound to be. And never in my life has taking the easy way out seemed like exactly what I need to do.

I place this unfair burden on people just so they can save me from myself. But I don't need a knight in shining armor. I need a partner. Someone who I am proud to love, who is proud to love me back, in spite of all my flaws. And you're it. You're the one.

And it's great to have somebody that you know so well that you don't even have to verbalize what you're thinking most of the time. The other person just gets it, picks up on it. And -- and it -- it's like that with Joey and me. It's great, and I -- and I like it, but it's -- it's not love.

If I'm thanking you for anything... it's for being yourself. It's for not caring what anybody else thinks. It's for knowing in your own heart what's wrong and what's right. And it's for being there this year... when I needed you most.

I thought that this is what I wanted. For you to see me as beautiful. For you to look at me the way you look at Jen. But the truth is, that's not really what I want at all. I want you to look at me and see the person that you've always known and realize that what we’ve had is so much more incredible than just some passing physical attraction. 'Cause you know what? It's just make-up -- and hairspray -- and tomorrow I'll be back to being Joey. Just Joey. The too tall girl that lives on the wrong side of the creek.

We all have our moments. You know what? Don't stop hoping that things will be different with him. You're way too young to be so bitter.

Before we destroy whatever chance we might actually have at having a relationship, I'm asking you, please stop and think about this, is this really what you want? Is this really the way you want things to end between us?

What is this feeling? It just seems like everything is getting smaller and smaller. It's all still there, but I can't touch it. I think it's called goodbye.

I sat there looking at this incredible reflection of who you are, and I realized that I absolutely hate it when you're not around. I wanted to thank you, I wanted to hold your hand, I wanted to kiss you, but you weren't there.

I can never go back to loving you the way I did, knowing that my love wasn't strong enough the first time around.

Last night, I stayed up all night thinking about what you said, and... you're right. I don't know what it's like to be in love like that. I don't know what it's like to completely lose yourself in somebody else. But I'd like to.

But then I think about everything that kiss brought into my life. What it was like to look at you and know not just what you were thinking, but also what you were feeling because I was feeling the same thing, and then it's worth it. It's...worth all the pain that I'm going through. I want to regret kissing you, Joey, but I can't. It was the smartest decision I ever made.

And don't tell me that you're not scared, because I know that you are. I mean, I've known you too long and seen you push away too many good things to let you push me away right now. My whole life, you have been the most beautiful thing in my orbit. And my feelings for you were what proved to me that I could be great. And those feelings were stronger and were wiser and more persistent and more resilient than anything else about me.

I mean, the first time I fell was for my friend, the boy I grew up with, the boy across the creek, and the second time was after we kissed. I mean, you became this whole new person to me and....I fell in love all over again.

I'm afraid because you're the single-most, important being to ever grace my existence, and I am falling hopelessly in love with you.

As long as I still feel something, it's not over, and believe me, sometime's I wish it was, but it's not. I can feel it.

That first kiss, it's the passionate one... the one filled by desire and attraction and all that but, the second kiss is rational- you got time to think about it, worry, and over analyze... most women pick the first kiss, but I'm partial to the 2nd one, cause it's about something more.

Keep fighting for your lost causes, you never know when your luck will change.

You make me so happy...you know? but, I have to make myself happy first...and that's probably the one thing in this whole world that you can't do for me.

After everything we've been through you wanna go back to being friends? If you don't understand why that can't happen- if you don't get that, then you don't get me.

It is worse to be incapable of loving then to not be loved.

I know how numbing the pain of hating yourself is. You know, it makes you just want to push everybody away especially the people who care about you the most. But you can't. Not if you plan on ever being happy.

Granted at first it was really hard for me to accept...you had moved on and you let go. So, I, in turn...let go of you.

As textbook healthy as the letting go theory sounds...It doesn't apply to me. This isn't a case of teen romance gone sour, I know what i want.. I want her. she's really hurting right now and whether she knows it or not, she needs me - so I have absolutely no intention of letting her go.

What I have to say, you're not going to like, so I'll say it quickly. I hope one day that I'll be able to forgive my father for all of this, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself, but I know that I will never forgive you. There are certain circumstances that love can not overcome and from now on...I don't want to know you.

I'm going to take the unplanned route for a little while in hopes that whatever we lost, we'll be able to stumble upon again.

It's a powerful thing when you get your biggest wish in one moment.

Well, in my experience, erratic behavior of the female orientation usually means the root of the problem is something unexpected.

In all other respects, we were on 2 different planets, and that's what I came to tell you the other day. I'm fine. I've grown up.

I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that is why I shut you out. Because if I can't have something to hold onto independently from you, then I don't have anything at all.

I like to think that I have the finger on a pulse of the common man and, believe me, that pulse quickens considerably when you walk by.

Where everything is said in silence because the emotion behind what we really want to say is just too overwhelming.

Because I have to tell you that I am really truly sorry for everything, and I'm sorry that I wasn't completely truthful with you, and I'm sorry for my predilection for the company of older women. It's just that... [Sighs] This has been a really strange year for me, Audrey, 'cause while the rest of you guys were off doin' the whole college thing, I was just doin' my best to stay afloat, and, believe me, nobody's handin' out road maps for the road less traveled. You just kinda gotta get on and start drivin'. But, ultimately, the only thing that I want to take away from this year, and the only thing that I'm gonna remember is you because you are amazing, Audrey, and you came along at a time when I thought all the big loves of my life were behind me, and you just rocked my world. And I know that you and I don't actually even know each other that well yet, but...[Sighs] I'm sure that I could live without you, I'm just not sure that I want to

You know those moments when you totally don't wanna cry, but...you're not quite sure what else to do?

How can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them all you can think of is how much more you want.

You're not mad at me for kissing you, you're mad at yourself for kissing me back.

I don’t know. It’s like, there’s this person that you want to be for other people. To make them proud of you. And then there’s you. And sometimes it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. Does that make any sense?

In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me, because you see, I fell in love with you knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you.

So you're breaking my heart into a million pieces, and you're saying it's because I deserve better?

Because... I saw you out there talking to her. I saw your face when you were watching her leave, and I realized that... she hurt you way more than you ever hurt me.

I’m leaving because you never asked me to stay.

And no matter how much I love you or how long I stay with you, you’re only gonna remember the moments when I leave.

Why don't you try being the girl who has to wonder why all the people she loves... don't love her back?

Or maybe I’ve been thinking about how to say goodbye to you all week. Maybe I’ve been thinking about how to make those words come out of my mouth every second of the day since I made the decision to leave. Maybe saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

You. You, uh, you got under my skin. I found myself having these series of annoying conversations with you in my head, which must be a sign of something, so I kept coming back for more, which ultimately proved to be my undoing.

I’ve seen how much she loves him. I’ve seen it on her face. I’ve seen them kiss. I’ve seen them hold hands. And tonight, I saw them fighting – which is something I’ve basically been seeing every day of my life since first grade and i think it was actually worse than the kissing.

How do I know I’m not just this security blanket for you? Something you'll keep coming back to when the world gets scary?

It's the sweet ones you have to watch out for. They'll run over you like a mac truck.

Someday youre going to meet someone who drives you mad. Who you're going to fight with and laugh with and do totally insane things for. Someone...who turns your life upside down.

You reminded me of what I'm capable of feeling. It's like I was...walking around seeing my life through a smudged window, and then I saw you and the smudges were gone. The window was clean.

It seems that every relationship produces its share of dissapiontments, insecurity, and pain. Anyone who has never been hurt, is either very lucky or very lonely.

I've become someone who hates themself so much, that I can't even look in a mirror, and I wish being with you didn't make it worse, but it does, because the more you love me in spite of all this, the angrier at you I get, and the more I stop loving you back.

In the moment when we touched, maybe we went somewhere else that rose above all this, but then we landed and I think maybe we crashed.

You probably don’t even remember. It was just this thing. There you were, above me, and you started brushing my hair off my forehead, and it felt so nice. It made me feel...safe. Like no matter what, you were gonna protect me. Years from now, when I think back, I'm not gonna remember the clumsy positioning or the morning-after awkwardness or if the experience itself met the textbook definition of great sex. What I'm gonna remember is how sweet you were. And how you took me to this brand new place.

What I want is you -- but there's no sense in arguing that point since you seem so determined to refute it.

It was just the sweetest, most romantic, Fourth of July fireworky, waves crashing on the shore, beyond any movie I could ever imagine.

I feel like you've been pulling away from me. I thought this is what you wanted, ya know. I thought I was what you wanted.

Until I can learn to look at myself without judgment or condemnation, then you're right: I'm not ready for you- or for anybody.

But at some point you're gonna have to tell me how I fix this. 'Cause right now you're both judge and jury and I'm... I'm at a loss. Do you want me to say I'm sorry? I have. I've apologized for making a mistake. For poor judgment. I've apologized for things I didn't even think were my fault. I'm seventeen and I did something stupid, OK? But when someone close to you does something... unexpected. Or...or out of character, you don’t just abandon them.

Oh...and I met a boy. He was very cute and very nice, and things were going very well right up until the moment he said...I think I'm in love with you.

And oddly enough, what followed was perhaps the truth is, we didn't talk this summer. Not a word. Which is weird, I guess, but at the same time, not. I...I kept meaning to call him. I did. But one week turned into a month, and before you know it... here we are.

On the outside, you're not that same naive kid anymore. You've been through too much lately. But deep down, at your core, there will always be a part of you that rejects reality...that is eternally hopeful.

Some of us are just trying to get through the day without breaking something.

Before, I was moving fast. I was movin' really, really fast. So fast I kept stumbling and falling. But here? Here I feel like, for the first time, in a long time, I'm walking at a steady pace. And I'm afraid, that if I kiss you, my knees will buckle and I don't know if I could handle it now.

That's why I wanted to see you. You're a touchstone. You take me back to this nice, safe place where crushes never end and hearts can't be broken.

When you're 16 years old so many of your choices are motivated by fear, it's like one wrong move and the worlds going to end. maybe that's what it is maybe it's about taking a deep breathe and forgiving yourself for yesterday's mistakes.

I want what everybody wants, I want to be important to somebody, maybe you want that too, but, if you do, to be honest, I can't really see it, because all I see when I look at you is somebody who's going through the emotions of being in a relationship because he thinks its the right thing to do, I don't know, I just know that that isn’t enough for me, so goodbye.

It’s true what they say. Time is an unreliable narrator. History gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day. I can’t swear this is exactly how it happened, but this is how it felt. Summer had brought us home, and we wasted no time assuming our roles in what had become an all-too-familiar scenario. Pacey had fallen from grace, Dawson’s dreams were dashed, and I was somehow in the middle of it all over again. The triangle we had all tried so hard to put to rest had come back to haunt us.

We can't talk like we used to, there's just some things we cant say.

So you love me...you just don't want me?

I’ll wait. You can call me an eternal optimist, but I have faith. This whole year, I’ve been on this... Soul-searching journey... And I feel like I’ve finally come to the end. And what I found...was you.

See, there's this guy...And when I met him, it was like...Like a shade going up in a dark room and light suddenly pouring in. He understood me in a way that no one ever did or could. And then, just as suddenly, the room got dark again.

Whether or not I can forgive you, is not going to be what keeps us apart. What you did... Our relationship was like this beautiful thing. And I don't think you ever realized how powerful it was. You changed my life, Andie. You were that person for me. You inspired me to be a man that I had only ever dreamed about being. When you first started to get sick... It dawned on me that I might not be that person for you. I can never go back to loving you the way I did, knowing that my love wasn't strong enough the first time around.

You keep wearing your heart on your sleeve and you're gonna bleed to death.

The heart is a fragile thing. Break it too badly, and it might never recover.

Well, I don't-- I don't want to fight either. I'm sorry. If we're gonna have an honest relationship, Dawson, then there's... Something you should know. I broke things off with Pacey, not entirely, but in large part because... I didn't want to lose you. I may have lived across the creek, but it was only when I was rowing in this direction that I actually felt like I was rowing home. You're so much of my life, Dawson. I mean... Your house is my house and your family is my family, and there's not a single significant event I’ve experienced that you haven't experienced with me, and I was so afraid of losing that. But...If that wasn't the choice... And if I thought that there was a chance that you would forgive me... I may have chosen differently. And you deserve to know that.

I mean, this isn't exactly the easiest thing I’ve ever had to do, Pacey-- telling Dawson that while he wasn't looking, I developed this bizarre gravitational pull towards his best friend, and I can't stop thinking about him or wanting to be near him or wanting to kiss him all the time.

And I think that's what love really means...That you can forgive anything. So...To my parents...Who taught me that love does not conquer all...That love ends...And begins again.

You don't want me.. You said it yourself. You just don't want to lose me.

Ever have one of those days you wish you could live all over again?

I need a friend. Someone who will be there for me without any agenda. The person that you used to be.

No one will love me or care about me the way you did and i think thats what scares me the most, that for so long, you were mine, my life, my everything, so now when I have to say goodbye, how do i not cry, hurt, and want you back?

And, you know, maybe I'm just asking for it right now, but I would rather that you say whatever it is you're thinking, than continue to look at me the way you are right now.

My life began when I met you, and you never gave up on me, so I'm not going to give up on you. So please, for the love of God, come out here and choose me...please.

When I was afraid of everything, I was never afraid to love you.

I'll be sleeping eighty feet away from you, and it'll feel like a thousand miles. I'll regret my decision constantly, I'll kick myself to no end.

You walk in that house and it's not just goodnight...it's good-bye.

You know, I’ve been thinking about what you guys were saying earlier, about boys being twits. And I think you’re right...but there’s more to it than that. ‘Cause, you know...sometimes all they have to do is just look at you, with that certain look, that look that says that you are exactly where they want to be...and you feel it too, for them...and you just melt. Like a big blob of ice cream. Even when you don’t want to.

That's the point. You don't need help. There's nothing to figure out here. There's only what you feel.

Have you ever had a day that you wish you could permanently eradicate from your memory? You know, one of those unbelievably bad experiences you keep hoping is a bad dream that you're going to wake up from any blissful second?

It always comes back to this same girl, the story of my life, Joey Potter. You grow up, and it gets harder to believe in things like soul mates and destiny and magic, things that came so easily when I was younger. I guess it's really hard to hold on to your blind faith after your father gets hit by a truck. Sorry, the point is... as hard as it is, I haven't given up, and maybe thats what I wanted to ask you, if it's okay, after everything that's happened, if its still okay for me to believe something perfect is possible, I really want to believe it, I want to be with her, I love her, dad, okay? We'll talk about this again later, don't go anywhere.

Loving someone’s gonna hurt, and the sooner you let yourself feel that, the sooner you'll be able to love again.

You have to decide how you want to live your life. What you can tolerate. What you're willing to lose.

It seems stupid now, but at the time, I wanted to tell you that I loved you.

As you know, I’m not good at goodbyes but I guess that's what this is, a real one this time, because as much as i thought i wanted us to be together, I guess what I want more is to be one of those people who lives every moment of his life without indecision and without regrets, someone who dares to disturb the universe without a thought to the consequences, and you’re not one of those people, at least not yet, Maybe you'll prove me wrong about that one day, I hope you do, but who knows? Maybe people can't change, maybe we’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again no matter how hard we try. I always hope for a happy ending, how crazy is that? take care of yourself.

Did it ever occur to you that you're so caught up in trying to make the right choice that you've never stopped to consider the possibility that there may not be a right choice, or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?

I guess when it comes down to it; I can't walk through that door.

You’re not here and I know that I said that it’s okay that you didn’t come this weekend but you know what? It’s not okay because I miss you. And there was this guy tonight and he was hitting on me or at least I think he was hitting on me. And he was perfectly nice and I blew him off and I’m not even sure why. But I’m pretty sure it was because of you. And…I’ve spent these past couple months acting like you were just going to show up outside my door one day, but you’re not. You are out there following your dreams which is what I want for you, Dawson, I think it’s time that I let you go. And it’s really hard for me to do because I know that there’s a part of me that will be in love with you for the rest of my life. But this whole running in place and day dreaming is just not healthy for either of us. So this is me cutting the cord, this is me doing what I should have done three months ago. Say goodbye.

You know, I don't think I'll ever be happy. Wherever I am, I'll always wish I'm someplace else. Whatever I have, I'll always want something different.

These opportunities that keep presenting themselves, they're presenting themselves to you, not to me. Not to anybody else. And all you have to do is just seize them. Stop wasting your time wishing that you were somebody else. And just grab hold of what have coming to you. Because you never know when it's gonna come your way again.

She has a hard time trusting people. men especially, and who can blame her?

There are people in my life who give me comfort. When the going gets tough, as it invariably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on - they will lift me up when I fall, they will hold me in their arms as I cry and tell me, "Everything’s going to be okay." I am so thankful for those people. They are priceless.

Do you know how much will happen to you in the next two years if you do them right? Your heart will swell and break a hundred times. what you need right now is someone who not only understands what you're going through, but who can also go through it with you.

Just shut up, ok? You are getting off easy here and you know it. I'm not gonna let you put up some false protest so that you can feel better about yourself. I am ending it now. That's how I know that it's over. You didn't say a word, Pacey, not a word. 'Cause you don't have the energy to fight it and...I deserve better than that.

But you're not aware of his evil alter ego. You're in love.

Every good thing that's happened in my life I've essentially managed to talk out of existence. I'm not gonna do that this time.

You're the girl in the 19th century novel who would perversely refuse to marry for money no matter how much it would raise her station in life, the girl who would say yes, sleep on it...recover her moral principles, and then break the guy's heart the next morning, which, of course, only increases your appeal. Principles are incredibly sexy, you know.

One of these days you're gonna have to take a gigantic fact check, my friend, all right? She didn't mistake you or anybody, okay? This girl is head-in-the-clouds, 100% ass-backwards in love with you, all right?

And we help each other to realize that everything we want to be; we already are.

It was pouring rain, your mom came to pick us up, but the car was, like, way across the street so you grabbed my hand and we ran for it. And it was probably only about 10 seconds or so, but when we got in the car, all I could think about was the fact that...you had held my hand.

Oh, right. Because that's what it always is, isn't it? I don't like you, therefore, it must be because some guy broke my heart. It just can't be because you're objectionable in any way.

If there's just one piece of advice i can give you, it's this - when there's something you really want, fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. because the best things in life, they don't come free.

I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason. And things have a wonderful habit of working themselves out regardless of how you may plan them to the contrary.

Let's make believe I've gotten myself into an impossible situation. Pretend like I've...I'm sorta falling or have fallen for the worst person I could ever have fallen for. What would you tell me to do?

Without fear, there would be no accomplishment. No testing of our limitations.

Someone out there is meant to be the love of your life, your best friend, your soulmate, the one you can tell your dreams to. he'll smile at you when you tell him, but he'll never laugh at your heart. He'll brush the hair out of your eyes and send you flowers when you least expect it. He'll call you to tell you goodnight before you get into bed or just because he is thinking about you. He'll be bursting to talk to you each morning just to hear the sound of your voice. He'll look into your eyes and tell you that you are the most beautiful girl he has ever seen and for the first time in your life...you'll believe it.

Look. It's like this. Most people, when they get to college, feel really insecure. It seems like everybody around them knows so much more. So they race to try to catch up, pretend to know things, instead of slowing down to actually learn them. Because they don't realize that the discomfort of uncertainty is the most precious part of the experience. See, if you can feel comfortable... not knowing, you can learn anything, ANYTHING. And if not, well, then you've stopped before you've begun.

I don't mind you kissing me if it's because you want to kiss me, not for revenge or to help you forget someone else. Whatever happened between you guys, you're gonna have to deal with it. Yourself. Just -- just you.

I have all these feelings -- these weird feelings -- and I've had this burning desire to express them. But I can't. I just can't. And these feelings -- they're trapped -- they're like stuck in my heart...And I just feel so lonely.

I'm not that girl anymore. I never really was. And I'm -- I'm not that white-as-snow image you've got, either. I'm somewhere in between. And I'm -- I'm just trying to figure it out

I mean, you're still carrying around this huge torch for her that has no hope of extinguishing itself any time too soon.

I do have perception disorder. Let's just say, I'm geared to respond to life in a certain way and you say I don't respond like a typical adolescent, and you're right, I don't, but emotionally, I do. I always have. I am very much my age emotionally, maybe even younger. And my feelings are in constant conflict with my overachieving self-aware brain and it's just a constant battle. And that's what's driving me crazy So I keep on waiting for my feelings to catch up so maybe I can finally grow up so I can finally get over Joey or accept that my parents may or may not work things out, but I think I have it backwards. In order to change my feelings I first have to change my actions because that's the only way somebody can change how they feel.

I'm just not all there. I mean, I can -- I can analyze somebody else until the cows wander home, but as soon as I turn all that indulgent perception on myself, it's like I completely lose connection between my heart and my head. It's like the two are incompatible, and I -- I can't get it together. And I really wish I could, because I'm so scared of what might happen if I don't. I, Does this make any sense to you at all?

I guess I just want you to know that I'm not going to hold you to anything we've said in the past. I want you to live your life and be happy and enjoy everything that goes along with that.

I need to go on with my life. Go back to college. Figure out who I am, and what I want. This is not my place. Not here, and not with you.

There's not a single dramatic storyline in existence that Shakespeare didn't conquer first. Family revenge, political intrigue, the great gender battle. The guy mapped it all out for us, and what was his parting lesson? What genre of all genres did he finally arrive at after years of toil and sacrifice? Tragedy.

Theres a part of me that's gonna be in love with you for the rest of my life.

I'm afraid that I'm not enough for you, and I never will be, and if I do this, you'll realize that you've grown way beyond me and I'm just going to lose you again.

Like all great romantics, Shakespeare realized love was a lot more likely to end with a bunch of dead Danish people than with a kiss.

I have realized that every time I'm around you, I'm happy.

You're unbelievable. I mean, as soon as I think I've got you all figured out, you go and you do something so outrageous that, it completely challenges me in a way that no one else would even think of. In case I don't say it enough, thank you.

Look, my point is is that I don't think that everybody meets the love of their life when they're a teenager. Or when they're 25. Or even when they're 35. But that doesn't mean that you stop looking and hoping. You know, 'cause you will meet that person, and when you do, I guess you know it.

A single moment of true joy is more powerful than a lifetime of sorrow.

Well, I should probably just start first, that you, Josephine Potter, have just wrecked me. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me. Because you see, I fell in love with you, knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you. Knowing full well that a sizeable chunk of your heart would always be wrapped up in our friend, Dawson. And that much was actually okay with me. Right up to the point that you chose me. Cause then you just turned everything on it's head. And I got everything that I wanted, and from that day forward, I've just been a wreck.

Yeah, she is pretty. She is very, very pretty. She's actually the kind of pretty that gives you butterflies, you know what I mean?

Sex is never innocent. It’s intense, its passionate, and sometimes it can be life altering-but it is never innocent.

I have discovered perfection obtained is a discomforting state and I get restless. What do you do when everything is right? When everything is just the way you want it to be? I want for nothing, and that leaves me feeling empty...not wanting. And I just want to want again.

Wanna know something Miss Josephine Potter? I think the world may just surprise you yet. I mean you fall in love and it doesn't work out and you think that it will never happen again, but it does. Believe me, it does. In the strangest of places.

You know who that guy you reacted like is gonna be in ten years, Pace? The person who knows me best. Dawson knows my past...my future lies with you.

The whole thing was her fault. I mean, she told me that I was the one she thinks about. You know? Me. And then she gives me this look. What was I supposed to do? Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for her to give me that look.

You don't understand. I've...I've spent years building this...This complex series of--of booby traps so that...Nobody would ever get too close. and then you came along... With that big beating heart of yours, and...You broke all those walls down, and it's just really scary. I mean...what if I lose you?

But after we spent all that time together – just walking around and talking like we used to – things finally felt right between you and meMaybe there's nothing here worth saving.

I want more than anything for us to be together. But not like this. Not screaming at the top of our lungs about things that happened 4 years ago.

[Sighs] Hi, it's me. So, I thought that I would have an answer when I picked up the phone, but I didn’t. And then I thought I would think of something as I was talking, but--heh-- no such luck. Um...Pace...I think the problem is trying to figure this out alone. I--I think that maybe we should...do it together, you know? And...you know how they say if you could do it all over again, what would you change? Well...I'd probably change a lot of things...but I'm also really lucky that I have the chance. And...I guess what I'm saying is that I'm not gonna look at you and think of everything that happened. I'm...I'm gonna look at you and think of everything that could. Call me. Bye.

Look, I know that we didn't really give our relationship a chance, um I didn't give it much of a chance. And you're right I didn't really give you a good reason for the break-up and truth is, I don't even know. Is it too late to ask for another chance?

You made your point. And you know what? You're right. This is exactly what I need. To get away from her. To get away from here. You know what, she's going to freak when I'm not there. It'll be good to let her wonder about me for awhile.

And maybe...I'm not supposed to lose myself. Now it's not part of the plan. But then again, I never thought that losing you was part of the plan, either.

I don't know what else to say...except my intentions are nothing short of honorable. I've never met anyone like you before, you scare me.

I'm willing to admit that the timing on this is far from perfect, but I'm sick of waiting for this so-called perfect timing that's obviously never gonna happen for us.

I can't for the life of me figure out how loving somebody translates into leaving them behind.

But, uh, then there's you. There's proof that someone out there is thinking of me... my friend who was with me always. It's pure magic. I guess this is pretty much just a long-winded way of saying that, um...I'm gonna miss you.

I guess I feel different. Like...I've always had this tendency to assume that change, when it happens, can only be for the worse. You know? And lately, I kinda feel like that's not true...like whatever's waiting for me out there... may not be that bad. And even if it is...then not knowing about it...might actually be the good part.

How am I supposed to fix my life if I don't even know where I went wrong? I just want to go back. I just want to start over. Why can't I start over?

Believe me, Pace, sometimes I wish that was the case. But it's not. I can feel it. I know you don't believe in any of this, and that's fine. You're the cynic. I'm the idealist. It's how we work, I guess. But when I feel something this strong pulling me...I have to act on it. It's...the only thing that I know how to do.

It wasn't supposed to end like that. We're not supposed to end like that. Right?

God! What more do you wanna know? Yes, Chris and I dated. Yes, I loved him. He was like...my Dawson. Ok? Breaking up with him was, like, the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and every once in a while, I wonder if I made the wrong decision.

I'm just trying to tell you that every guy who grows up to be one of the good ones, he was probably a dweeb with girls when he was fifteen, too.

I mean, just because we're not together anymore does not change my feelings for you. It's me I'm unsure of.

It hurts to be around you. When I see you, even from across the room, it brings up a thousand memories. Not just of us, but of my entire life before. It's like I'm frozen in this place that I can't bear to be. I care about you so much. As long as I can remember, everything's always come back to you. I mean, even no matter what was happening between us. Even the thought of you is at least a constant comfort, but...I can't go back. It just hurts.

I think you underestimate me. I think we underestimate each other. What I'm trying to say, Joey, is that...what you felt the other night at the movie theater, that something was finally right between us...I felt that, too. And nothing will ever change that-- not going to school on different coasts. Not meeting people who we're meant to love forever-- nothing.

I don't feel loved. I go through each day and I don't think anybody loves me. And I know it's pathetic but it's the way I feel and I'm too young to feel this way.

Maybe that's what I'm starting to realize. The pain is temporary, but the connections we make, they last forever and change our lives in ways we're not even aware of yet.

The only decision left is the one that I need to make with myself-- to stop running... once and for all. I mean, I know who I'm supposed to be with. I've always known. but then the fear takes over, the free-floating, anxiety-ridden fear in the pit of my stomach that makes me run. Jen, I am completely comfortable running. I really don't know any other way.